A Few Months in Photos

It's been awhile since I posted some pictures, so here's a few (ok, more than a few) to catch you up on my life in the past few months.

My friend Liz invited me to go home with her to Doylestown, PA, for Thanksgiving - and what a wonderful time that was!! It was a beautiful weekend - lots of sunshine. I was able to go on lots of walks, do homework all day in my pajamas, and eat delicious food! It was so good for my soul to be outside of the city, in a lovely home with a family that immediately welcomed me as one of their own.

The view from Liz's house! Delicious hors d'oeuvres!! I also have enjoyed some time with other good friends. This is my dear friend, Suzanne. She has been a kindred spirit and an incredible encouragement to me during our weekly lunch dates. We frequently call each other during our long days to see if the other one is on campus to meet for a quick hello and a hug! This is what I see on my walk to school each morning...or, at least what I used to before the sun stopped rising as early ;o). This is a statue of Severn somebody...I can't remember his last name. And behind him is George Washington on top of the first Washington monument. I say good morning to the two of them every day. The monument is now lit up with Christmas lights...if I find a picture, I'll post one! It's very beautiful - and luckily, it's still lit up when I walk to school in the mornings! I often get to see beautiful sunrises from my apartment - what a treat! Every morning, I head to my "office" for a few hours of practice. There are only a few practice rooms with windows - and my usual room is one of those. The window looks into the center courtyard at Peabody - and usually, about 10 or 11, the sun comes streaming in!

Here is a photo of my dear friend, Nadja, and I guarding the entrance to my "office." She has her own "office" down the hall - which also has a window! This past weekend, I got to go to Nadja's house and babysit her little one for her. Nataljia is 11 months - and we had a great time playing together, as well as with Kiki the dog!

give thanks

I probably should be practicing right now.

but I'm not.

I apologize for the delay in posts. Life's been a bit insane. At some point I will post pictures of my life over the last month...but for now, a brief summary.

I went to PA with my friend Liz for Thanksgiving. Her parents graciously invited me into her home and treated me like a member of the family. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there and didn't want to come back. But it was a wonderful break. give thanks.

My opera opened this weekend...world premiere! We had three performances - of which, I played one. All went well - and we are glad to be done with rehearsals for awhile. give thanks.

The Advent season is upon us...my favorite season of the year. I went to watch the lighting of the Washington Monument last week (in my neighborhood of Mount Vernon, we have the FIRST Washington Monument which stands just across from Peabody). Each year they set off fireworks as they light the Christmas lights. It was beautiful. give thanks.

I have one full week of classes left in the semester. Plus two papers, 5 hours of listening, 3 tests, one performance, and one presentation standing in the way of me and Christmas break. I can almost taste it. give thanks.

But I am not allowed to taste it yet. I have SO much to do.

Deep breath.

It will get done. One step at a time.

There is much to be done.

But there is also much to be thankful for.

only today is ours

found this gem today...a quote from ralph waldo emerson:

finish each day and be done with it.
you have done what you could.
some blunders and absurdities have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
tomorrow is a new day.
you shall begin it serenely
and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

buoyed

It's been a long few weeks...months.

School has not been easy. And honestly, I have been ready to throw in the towel more than a few times. Usually daily. I feel like I am riding a roller coaster of emotion. It's hard to go for days, weeks, months on end feeling like you're never fully prepared for anything...continually being reminded of how much I don't know and am unable to do.
I have fought the demons of discouragement, self-doubt, anxiety, fear. And they have won, more often than not.
Some days it takes all the strength I can possibly muster up to get out of bed and make myself sit on that bench for any amount of time...let alone 5 hours. Some days it takes all the will I have to keep on trying when I have done nothing but fail.
I am basically re-learning to play the piano. It's kind of like learning to walk again. My technique needs a lot of work. That's an understatement. It is overwhelming. And it is frustrating to have so much music within me that I cannot express because my body is getting in the way. My hands are getting in the way of themselves. I keep hitting the same wall over and over again, and I struggle to find the motivation to keep searching for the key, hoping for the miracle.

The tears flow freely and frequently.

Why am I even here?

But in the midst of all of this, there is hope.

Hope that it will not always be like this.
Hope in the fact that even though I am unable to play well right now, I am learning so much and growing in my musicianship.
Hope in the words and love of those around me who understand. who speak truth. who serve as buoys as I am tossed about in a sea of confusion, failure, doubt, frustration.
Hope in the knowledge that there is more to life than music. There is more to me than music. My performance here, or someone else's evaluation of my performance does not define my worth.

So yes, there are waves. The wind is strong. Sometimes it's all I can do to gasp for a breath before I get shoved under again.

But today I am thankful for the words, the hugs, the cards, the cookies, the eyes that say "I see you and I get you".....they buoy me. They ground me.

Old Friends

It's been awhile since I wrote. I have gotten to spend a couple of weekends with dear friends from Whitworth and what a gift that time was!
I headed down to North Carolina over my fall break to spend time with my friend and former roommate, Ali and her husband Tommy, and their little one, Crescena. They are preparing to head to Nairobi in February where Tommy will serve as a missionary pilot with Africa Inland Mission. I am so glad I got to see them one last time before they head to Kenya.
My time with them was sweet. It was a gift to be with dear friends and to get to delight in their precious little one. AND it was wonderful to be outside - and out of the city!! It did my soul a lot of good to be able to go for walks in the countryside - to breathe in the fresh air and see trees and grass and lakes!

Just after I got back from North Carolina, my friend Bryce came to visit from Portland. We spent the day with his friend Isaac, who is also living in Baltimore. It was a glorious fall day, and we walked out to Fort McHenry.

The fort is on a peninsula on the other side of the harbor. It is also a park - so again, it was nice to be outside and to see a field of grass...as opposed to the little plots we have in the city!

We had fun exploring the fort.

And we got a few laughs out of these benches that are scattered all over Baltimore, declaring it "The Greatest City in America." Most of the benches are in disrepair - in fact, the one right across from my apartment building doesn't even have a seat anymore.

So I am thankful for time with both of these dear friends who know me well and have walked with me through many seasons. It was wonderful to get out of the city and see Tom and Ali's world - and also to have someone from home catch a glimpse of my new world.

Ariel's Tempest

Since the beginning of the semester, at least 12 of my hours each week have belonged to the opera department. I have been serving as a co-music director for a new opera that is...as we speak...still being revised. Peabody has an opera outreach program which takes a shortened, simplified opera into schools to perform for elementary students, etc. In the past, they've done "Hansel and Gretel" or "The Magic Flute"...something kid-friendly. The show opens in the fall and then is performed at different times and places throughout the year.
But this year they're doing something a bit different. Roger Brunyante, the head of the opera dept. has written the libretto for a version of Shakespeare's The Tempest. It is made up of direct quotes from the original - with the insertion of an actual Shakespeare character and a "Stage Manager" who provide some slapstick to keep the show from getting too serious! The music has been written by a Peabody DMA candidate, Douglas Buchanan.
It has been a challenge - the music is hard, to say the least. And being a music director is not easy - especially as a student. Some of the cast members are great and are well-prepared. And some are way behind.
And we open in about two weeks.
No big deal.
On Monday, we had one complete run-through...parts of which were ok, and parts of which were a complete disaster. Last night, the other cast (the show is double-cast) had their go at it. They are the weaker cast, so it was even more of a disaster. And then Roger, the director, and the composer and Nadja and I had a meeting to discuss where we go from here - make some cuts to tighten things up a bit, etc. There is much work to be done.
Parts of this process have been frustrating. My job as a music director/coach is not to teach pitches. I am in charge of diction - making sure people are understood, ensemble, phrasing, tempos, etc. It's a very creative process - trying to figure out what's in the music. But I am still working with people just to get the right notes and rhythms. For awhile it was OK - I know that it's hard music and I got to try all kinds of strategies for helping them learn what sometimes seem like random notes. But it's starting to get old.
As is rehearsal for 3 or more hours, 4 nights a week.
So I am enjoying the journey - it's fun to be a part of this process - seeing a show come to life and take on an identity in itself.
But I am looking forward to the end of these intense rehearsals. Only a couple more weeks!

Here's some more details:
http://peabodyopera.org/seasons/s1112/tempest11/#directors

snippets of joy

As I write, I am sitting on my couch, sipping Seattle's Best coffee and nibbling on chocolate. It's an overcast day outside, and I am happy to report that the weather has FINALLY cooled off and autumn has officially arrived. It's been a relaxing day. This morning, I jogged down to the farmer's market to get some squash this morning, so I put together a casserole of sorts this afternoon. My apartment was a disaster, so I spent some time cleaning, singing and dancing as I went. These days off are a gift to my spirit - and a necessary time of refreshment.

As I reflect on the last few days, I smile to think of the little snippets of joy that have brightened my world this week...
- I met a Whitworth music grad last week as I went on a walk with my Whitworth t-shirt on. He is officially the first person I've met here who has even heard of Whitworth.
- I got 4.5 hours of sleep on Wednesday night, and then woke up Thursday with unexplainable energy and played for a total of 5 hours with no pain. What a gift.
- Every day, I walk through the halls and hear the piano performance majors practicing Beethoven sonatas and Liszt etudes, and I THANK GOD that I am not them. Apparently I picked the right major ;o).
- One morning this week, Georgia the custodian came in to say hello as usual, and she came over and said, "Give me some love" and gave me a hug. So now when I am lying in bed in the mornings, not wanting to get up to practice, I think, "But I get a hug from Georgia..." and somehow, that's just the extra push I need to put my feet on the floor.
- On Thursday, my friend Eric and I had an in-depth discussion of the poetry of one of the song cycles I am playing. It was so wonderful to process through the text and discuss the incredible genius of how Schumann set it to music. Somehow, after that, we ended up having a dance party in my practice room. Best thing ever.
- I have found a place to walk. It's not green, but it is by the water and away from the crowds. It reminds me of Europe, just a little bit. (Photo credit: Liz Walton!)

- Sometimes I walk through the "grand arcade" of Peabody when the orchestra is rehearsing in the big concert hall. The music wafts out and resonates in the huge atrium. Glorious.

- Nadja and I now have "our table" at the bistro up the street. This week we've been there at least twice, if not more. Let me be clear in saying that neither of us has time to take coffee breaks, but we both know that these times we share are as much a part of our education as classes, rehearsals and practicing. We sip coffee and share one of the delectable desserts and talk and laugh and cry about anything and everything...music, family, spirituality, our lives before Peabody, our hopes for the future (if there is, indeed, life after Peabody). I still marvel at the fact that we have only known each other a little more than a month. We think very similarly about life and have so much in common. Friday was another example of the CRAZY connection we have. She turned to me and said, "You were in Spokane, right? One of my teachers from my university in Belgrade lives there now." I said, "Do you mean Ivana?" She said, "Yes - she was my teacher for a year." I looked at her in disbelief and replied, "She is now doing the job I just left at Whitworth." What a small world.

- It rained this week. Another sign that autumn is in full swing. And it wasn't one of the humid downpours that feels too much like a tropical storm. No, this week, it was a cool day and it drizzled just a little bit. My Western Washington soul did a little jig.

one foot in front of the other

It has certainly been a full few weeks. My days are long and jam-packed with one class, lesson, rehearsal after another. Every morning my alarm goes off at 5:00 and every evening ends at 10:00 or 11:00 with either opera rehearsal or homework, depending on the night. I am still getting used to my schedule, and I have come very close to completely forgetting someone's lesson or a rehearsal...more than a few times. But somehow, I always make it in time!
We received the full score for our opera on Monday and will be attempting a complete run-through tomorrow night. The composer will be present, so I am looking forward to being able to work with him and catch his vision for the work. I have learned about 10 of the 100 pages....so that's what I'll be doing all day tomorrow! The music is challenging, more so for the singers, than the pianist...so hopefully it won't take too long to learn.
I had planned on finishing up an ethnomusicology paper this evening, but I decided instead to take a bit of a respite. It's been a struggle to find the balance between work and rest. I have succeeded, thus far, in taking a complete Sabbath on Sundays. No practicing, no homework - nothing. It's been wonderful for mind, body and spirit. So I am hoping to keep that up.....we'll see if it's possible. But the fact of the matter is that I can't just live for Sundays- I have to have some amount of rest during the week as well. But I'm not sure what that looks like when my schedule is as full as it is.
There have been plenty ups and downs in the last few weeks...and now that I am pausing for a bit, I have the time to reflect them. Moments of encouragement and affirmation, and plenty of moments of frustration, discouragement and doubt, as I am continually reminded of how much I have to learn. But I am working hard to remind myself that this is why I am here. I don't know it all. I have so much room to grow. And I don't need to do it or know it all today.

This quote from Zen Guitar sums it up well:

"Do not feel overwhelmed by the length of the journey. All you ever need to do is focus on one thing: what you are doing. Stay on the path and put one foot in front of the other - that is all. There is joy in the struggle."

Home, Part 2

I decided it was time for a few more pictures of my humble abode. So here is my living/dining room. Note the AWESOME chandelier. I have a matching one in my bedroom...they definitely add character!Here's another view of my kitchen. Note: when I first set up my kitchen, the microwave door wouldn't open because the shelf I bought had a lip around the edges. I needed something for the microwave to sit on to raise it higher. So what did I find, but two music theory books - the foundation of all my musical training - for my microwave to rest on. What a music nerd.... I have also had the privilege of hosting friends in my home. We celebrated my friend Katie's birthday last week. It was a fun little gathering, complete with balloons, a cake and a tiara.
And of course, Liz is here a fair amount as well. We try and eat together every few days...or now that I am getting busier, it's becoming once a week. I take my dinner down there or she brings hers up here...or we collaborate and create something together. This week it was breakfast for dinner...pancakes, bacon, and zucchini pancakes (with fresh zucchini from the farmers' market!).

The First Day of School

Peabody classes began a week ago; however, all of my more academic classes are on Tuesdays, so I didn't have them until yesterday. It's been a lot of "hurry-up-and-wait" and the calm-before-the-storm...so it felt good to actually go to class yesterday.

I usually begin my days in my new favorite practice room (it has windows), and around 7:30, Georgia, the custodian, comes in to say hello. I had a great friendship with the custodian in the Whitworth music building because last year I was there most mornings at 6AM. It makes me feel at home to have that connection here as well!

I have three 2-hour classes on Tuesday...so it's a bit of a marathon day. I begin with Ethnomusicology - which I think will be very interesting, as well as a lot of work! We had lots of philosophical discussion and even an attempt to define "music" in a way that can be understood cross-culturally. After an hour of deliberation, we gave up. What an uplifting start to my graduate school career....I can't answer the question: "What is music?" :o).

Right after that was Accompanying and Coaching Skills. I am so excited for that class! My private lesson teacher is the instructor, and I am always ready to spend more time with her! I had my first lesson on Friday, and it was wonderful - challenging, stimulating, overwhelming... After 3 years of accompanying experience without anyone to teach me how to interpret the repertoire or how to sound like an orchestra without killing my arms....I am so grateful to have a teacher!

We went over some basic diction rules in class yesterday, and then spent some time sightreading and singing along. I loved hearing about her philosophy on accompanying: "Learn to sing the vocal part first. It's how the composer wrote it - so it gives you a window into his process, and it also prevents you from thinking of it as a piano solo with a voice obligato. If you want to be one voice with the singer - you have to learn your music this way."

I also had my Music Bibliography class last night. It's a required class for grad. students, introducing them to the resources in the library, teaching them how to write papers and cite things, etc. Not exactly anyone's favorite class. But I am glad to get it out of the way early on. And I am thankful that Liz is in there with me...so we will help to keep each other awake!

Catching Up

Here are a few pictures to catch you up on the last few days:

Roasting marshmallows by candlelight during the hurricane.

Orioles vs. Yankees game at Camden Yards with Katie and Elizabeth (two singers from CA). Sadly, there were more Yankee fans present than Orioles fans....and I was reminded yet again why I hate the Yankees.

Reasons I Love My Job, Part 1

#1. As a GA, I get a bigger locker, access to lots of extra places, longer library loan periods, and an extra mailbox.

#2. People call me and want to spend time with me. People pay to hang out with me.

#3. Sometimes I get paid in zucchini muffins....that are delicious.

#4. Sometimes things get so intense that singers send spit flying across the room. Onto me.

#5. Sometimes I get to play for singers who are planning to sing for the Denyce Graves masterclass in a few weeks.

#6. My job description is making music with other people. In my teacher's syllabus/studio expectations, she concluded with "We are privileged people." Privileged, indeed.

After the Storm

Well, Irene has come and gone, leaving a few things in her wake. The wind and rain started at about 10 or 11 Saturday morning - and while the rain has stopped now, the winds are still howling a bit outside. Luckily, though, we never lost electricity!! I spent the evening at my friend Liz's place downstairs with a couple of other students. We had a movie marathon, roasted marshmallows over candlelight, played Apples to Apples, drank wine, and listened to the storm and a few crashing windows outside. And I got to go puddle-jumping in my galoshes too ;o).

Around 11, I went up to check on my place; the weather service was predicting that the storm would be at its peak by midnight - and being on the northeast corner of the building, my apartment would be taking a beating. I discovered that I had water leaking in a few windows (more through the molding above the window than from the actual window). I got to work putting towels around it and carefully placing tupperware to catch the drips.

While I was doing this, I heard a crash and went into my kitchen to find that the wind had sucked the top panel of my window out. The wind blowing around my building had created a vacuum - so it just took my window right out. I called the emergency number, and since our maintenance manager is out of town for the weekend, the property manager himself came and boarded it up for me. He had a busy night - and there were a few tenants worse off than I am. My window will get fixed this week - and I expect the molding above the window in my bedroom will need some work as well.

I am so thankful it was my kitchen of all windows - that it didn't leave a single shard of glass - and that the wind was blowing out, not in. Otherwise I would have had a TON of water in my kitchen! None of my things got wet - so I have much to be grateful for!

And I am thankful for friends to helped me out - and that I had a place to stay last night. A few of us had a slumber party in Liz's apartment - she lives on the third floor, so the other buildings around us shelter her place. I went upstairs every two hours to change my towels and empty my tupperware. So I am a bit tired today - but we're planning on taking it easy today. We slept in and had brunch at my place - and will be reconvening in a few hours to continue our movie marathon. Perhaps a little "Singing in the Rain" while we watch the rain outside...

Hurricanes and Zucchini Bread

It gives me great joy to share that I only have to take one review class! I have completed all of my entrance exams, and thanks to great preparation on the part of some wonderful Whitworth professors, and many study parties this week, I tested out of Music History, Ear Training and Music Theory review classes! I also took a keyboard skills placement exam and will have to be in a sight-reading review class once a week - so not too bad! And I can always use practice sightreading!

I feel a bit like my brain got sucked out of me, jumbled around a lot, and shoved back in. So I am spent - but grateful to be able to dive right into classes that will count towards my degree! I registered yesterday and will be taking an Ethnomusicology course, several accompanying and keyboard classes, and a required "Music Bibliography" class. I will also be filling up my time playing for probably 4-8 voice students and the "Singing in Italian" class. As a graduate assistant (GA), I have to work an average of 4-5 hours a week as an accompanist - so I will be working to fill those hours. The other Accompanying GA, Nadja, is from Serbia. She is a GPD student (Grad. Performance Diploma), a wife to an internal medicine resident, and a mother to a 7-mo. old (she did her audition for the program with a 4-week-old!). Since we met for the first time on Wednesday, we have done nothing but laugh, and I look forward to getting to know her more.

I also got to have my first rehearsal with a student yesterday. A student, originally from Bellingham (did his undergrad at Western) called to ask if I would run through some music for his opera auditions. It was a wake-up call in terms of the level of music I'll be playing and how much repertoire I will be responsible for. But it also was a taste of the incredible people I will be working with. We ran through an aria from Mozart's "Magic Flute," and I immediately felt at home. This is why I came here. And as an added bonus, it was also great to meet someone who wears chacos and has an REI backpack ;o). We talked for awhile about places to hike in the area, and he also is bringing me zucchini bread as part of my payment (made from a giant zucchini he grew in his garden).

Liz and I are headed out soon to get some hurricane supplies before the winds get too strong. Some other gals are coming over this evening to watch movies (until our computer batteries die) and play games as we wait out the storm. We are enjoying our last weekend of freedom before the semester begins on Wednesday.

Home, Part 1

From the corner of my living room, you can see the shelves in my entry way. On the left side of the picture is my kitchen and on the right is the hallway to my bedroom and bathroom. Side note: there is now a keyboard sitting on top of the small table you see here! It's been sitting in the basement of my building for a few months. It needs a power cord and probably an amp - but I got it for free - we'll see if it works!

My bedroom is at the end of the hallway - more pictures to come once I finish decorating! Unfortunately, I mailed my posters before I left Snohomish, and they have yet to arrive...so I may have to get creative with filling all of those empty walls!!

My bathroom has been re-vamped, so it's great to have new flooring and a new vanity/sink!.

And my kitchen! Today my stove is loaded with every pot I own, filled to the brim with water. We're all prepping for the hurricane - due to hit here this afternoon/evening. Last I heard, they'd lowered it to a Category 1 Storm; however, that still means we will probably be getting winds of up to 50 mph. It will be an adventure for sure!

Room with a View

Here I sit, on my couch, sipping my morning coffee, looking out over Baltimore. From my 8th floor windows, I can see the historic Belvedere Hotel, the Johns Hopkins Medical Campus, the city prison, many church steeples, and dozens upon dozens of row houses. My apartment is on the northeast corner of the building, so I catch the morning sun. And what a beautiful sunrise it was this morning!

It is a gift to sit here and reflect upon the insanity and the abundant blessings of the last week. My parents and I arrived last Tuesday in the wee hours of the morning. It took awhile to gather 6 pieces of luggage (plus our carry-ons) and find a shuttle that could fit them all. But we made it, and I am grateful both for their help and that every bag made it in one piece!

The next few days were a blur. Shopping trips. Cleaning. Assembling furniture. Scouring Craigslist. Unpacking. Organizing. Filling up many blank walls.

Already, I have been blessed by the people I have met. The staff of my building are kind and helpful. My new friend Liz (who I met when I came to look at apartments in May) is 5 floors down, and has been a kindred spirit. We have been pretty much attached at the hip for the last few days - studying together, exploring the school together, etc. Lots of laughter and good conversation. I am looking forward to being her accompanist this semester!

So here I am, one trip to IKEA, 2 hard-working parents, 3 trips to Walmart, 4 hours of deliberation over which curtains to buy, 5 thunderstorms, and countless trips up the elevator later...I am finally home. There is still work to be done. Things that need a home. Walls that need to be clothed. But already, this is a place I love to be. Quiet. Light-filled. Peaceful. A place where I can take a deep breath and have a brief oasis from the intensity of school. I look forward to the hours spent in this place...the people that will sit around my table with me...the mornings just like this one...the conversations and laughter and tears that will be shared in this room. And I look forward to watching this city and learning about it from above.

I'm still alive!

Sorry for the delay in posts. I have plenty to share about the last week, but that will have to wait until I have internet access. But until then, here are a few important updates:

- I am moved in and settled in my apartment.

- I started orientation yesterday and will commence my placement exams this evening. Today I have sightsinging, tomorrow I have Music History, and Friday, I have advanced keyboard skills. I am hoping to pass one of the 3 so that I only have to take two review courses. I am thankful to have already passed Music Theory in February.

- Yes, we did have an earthquake yesterday. Yes, I do live on the east coast now...maybe it got sent to the wrong coast? No, it wasn't bad. I was at school in a meeting - no one knew what it was except the Californians and me. Everyone else thought it was construction-related vibrations - and actually the meeting continued on. I am just thankful I wasn't in my apartment on the 8th (top) floor. Apparently my building was swaying back and forth. Thankfully, only one thing fell off my shelf!

Goodbye?

My what a rich and full few weeks.... I am so blessed to have spent the greater part of the last month with some of my favorite people. I was honored at a wonderful goodbye party in Spokane, and got to go kayaking with the "queens" of the Whitworth music department. I had countless lunch dates and ice cream dates and coffee dates and dinner dates and phone dates and long conversations that lasted into the wee hours of the morning. I watched the sunset from the top of Mt. Spokane with my adopted Spokane family. I went fishing with my brother and sister-in-law, went backpacking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness with my dad, spent an evening with my aunt and uncle in Naches, and stopped in for a quick "hello" in Olympia with my uncle, aunt, cousins and grandmother....and I happened to be in time to see one of my cousins perform in a musical - what fun!

I have listened, shared, laughed, cried, danced, reminisced, sung, prayed, hiked...and I have driven...many, MANY miles! Oh, and I may have run a few errands and packed a little too....

There have been moments when I've been overwhelmed with how many people I have to stay in contact with...which is not something I'm not always the best at. But in those moments, I am quick to remind myself that I GET to stay in contact with all of those people. What a gift to know and be known by such dear friends - to have shared time around so many tables with such precious souls. I am blessed, indeed.

And in all of this, the phrase that keeps coming back is "see you later." I don't know when or how or where, but I will see you later! It's a comforting thing to say. It doesn't feel as final as "goodbye."

But as I got to thinking this evening, I considered the origins of that dreaded word..."goodbye." It's simply a contraction of the phrase "God be with you." It's not a farewell. It's a blessing. A benediction. You might say it to a friend as they set forth on a journey. Or, you might speak it as a word of reassurance to someone going through a difficult time. And even more than a wish or a desire, it is the restatement of a promise already made. God be with you because God is with you. Immanuel. God with us. Here. Now. In this moment. In every moment. In the past. In the present. In whatever lies ahead.

So while it's still not going to make it on my list of favorite words, I think I've perhaps come to a new appreciation of what it means to say "goodbye." I know God is with me because I have seen and known and heard and felt Him through my wonderful family and friends. And I hope to live my life in such a way that others may know and realize the truth of the promise of His presence.

So, goodbye. God be with you. God is with you.

Ja, bitte.

I have just returned from a wonderful trip to Germany. The original inspiration for venturing across the Atlantic was to attend my friend Verena's wedding. Verena and I were roommates when I was at Capernwray Hall 8 years ago; she was the lone German placed in a room of Americans and Canadians. Somehow, she survived, and we have been able to maintain our friendship over the last few years. Life has brought many changes in that time, but I have been blessed to have her to walk with, even from a continent away. Our time together was a sweet reunion - and I am so glad I got to celebrate with her and her new husband, Andy. I travelled with two great friends from my Whitworth years, Bryce and Kathryn. Together, we spent about 2.5 weeks adventuring through Frankfurt, Heidelberg, the Rhine, the Black Forest, Munich, Salzburg, the Alps and Berlin. I was able to visit Tauernhof in Schladming, Austria, where I had spent the second part of my Torchbearers year. It was wonderful to be back in my Alps - and a treat to get to re-live some of those memories.It truly was a vacation for me - I haven't thought at all about the transitions that lie ahead. It was simply a gift to laugh, cry, read, journal, explore new places, sleep, hike, drink wine, eat cheese and bread, and play lots and lots of cribbage! We had some once-in-a-lifetime experiences, including being able to attend a Women's World Cup game - Eq. Guinea vs. Brazil. And we had some epic failures, including having to spend the night in the Leipzig train station and nearly missing flights home (Mary) and beating our luggage home (Bryce and Kathryn). So here we are, 2 layovers in Reykjavik, 1 World Cup Game, 2000 pictures, 30+ train rides, 1.5 jars of nutella, a couple of bottles of wine, and roughly 80 games of cribbage later - with some great stories, wonderful memories, and refreshed spirits.

Yes, please.

A New Home

I have just returned from a brief trip to Baltimore. I am happy to report that I have found an apartment! It was an exhausting trip - lots to think about and consider. I was glad to have my mom along to help process - and it was fun to be able to share my new world with her. And now that I have had a few days to settle in my decision, I know I am at peace. I will be living in a building called "The Madison" on St. Paul St. (shown above) and is about 2 blocks from Peabody.

I will be living on the 8th floor, the top floor. So I have a view of the city with no buildings directly across from me - most of the surrounding buildings are only 4-5 floors. I've included a picture of the view out my bathroom window. I am excited to have some great "building buddies." My next door neighbor is a researcher, beginning a fellowship at Johns Hopkins. She has just moved to the U.S. from Italy - so it will be fun to get to know her. I also have been in contact with a fellow Peabody masters student who will be living 2 floors down. She is from PA and will be beginning her masters in voice this fall. I am looking forward to having community in my building, and also being able to have my own space. I realized that I have been living with roommates for the past 8 years - and during that time, I've been blessed to have lived with over 20 different people. But I am feeling the itch now to have my own place - and I am ready to live alone, at least for this year.

I will include more pictures once I have moved in (after I make my IKEA run and have scoured craigslist for furniture!). The building has recently come under new management, so they are remodelling as each unit is vacated. My apartment will be getting a "facelift" and will have brand new carpet, linoleum, tile, paint, etc. - so it will be clean and fresh when I move in. I am looking forward to being able to make this space my own - adding the touches that make it feel like home to me. AND I look forward to creating an atmosphere that is welcoming to others - to the new friends I have yet to make, and to the old, dear friends and family that I hope will come visit! You are welcome any time!

The Leaving Part of Going

Unfortunately, setting off on a whole new adventure also means letting go of something and leaving it behind. This is the stage I'm in now - and will be for a little while longer. I finished at Whitworth this week - final performances, calculating final grades, turning in my keys, cleaning out my massive collection of music binders. I will finish teaching this week and next week. Last lessons have me thinking back to first lessons, 6 months ago, 2 years ago, 7 years ago. Saying goodbye to these little (and not-so-little!) ones will be hard - I have watched them grow up.

On the one hand, I was never more ready to be done. It's been a long year - exhausting, draining - I've been in survival mode for most, if not all of it. This day could not come soon enough. And on the other hand, I am starting to feel the loss. This has been my home for 7 years. 7 years. I was at Whitworth today, and as I walked out of the music building, I realized that I will not pass through those halls very many more times. It seems surreal. I shed my first tears this week, at the thought of leaving, and I have no doubt that there will be many more to follow them.

I will leave behind a wonderful work environment, incredible colleagues. a world that is familiar. I will leave behind a beautiful church family, a body that cares so well for one another, and is so outwardly-focused on serving God's creation. I will leave behind dear, dear friends - who have known me through ups and downs, who have walked with me through many a journey, who know me better than I know myself. The events of even just the last week have reminded me of how precious and irreplaceable these friends are. Indeed, I am extremely blessed. And grateful.

But the time has come for a new season. I am well-aware of that. My heart, mind and body are in agreement. I have been restless for awhile. It's time for change - a fresh challenge, a new adventure. And tonight, while I am still only beginning to grieve the leaving, I look ahead and find hope and solace in the fact that there is much to be gained in the going.