the look

It's different with every performer.

Sometimes it comes before we start.
      a look of sheer terror: "What if all my nightmares come true?"
      a look of desperation: "Please don't leave me hanging."
      a look of relief: "I'm so glad I'm not up here by myself."

Sometimes it comes at the end.
      a look of disbelief: "I can't believe I'm still alive."
      a look of bashfulness: "I don't know how to receive their applause."
      a look of relief: "I'm so glad it's done."
      a look of gratitude.

And in that moment, I know why I do what I do.

People often ask me what I do and why I chose this field.  There are a lot of different answers to that question.  But sooner or later, I end up telling them about these moments.  These moments that are shared between singer and accompanist.  These moments that make the hours of practice worth it.  These moments that are wordless. 

The things communicated in that split-second vary from performance to performance.  I may be the only one in the room that knows what this singer has accomplished, that knows that was the best they've ever sung that piece.  And in that moment, as the audience applauds, we celebrate together.     Or I may be the only one in the room that knows they skipped two pages or made up the words to the second verse.  And in that moment, as it becomes clear that the audience didn't notice at all, our eyes meet and share a smile, as we silently vow to make it our little secret.


Last night I played for a recital of amateurs, a refreshing change after playing for graduate students all year. Some had taken lessons before, some are just starting out.  Some want to sing opera, some just want to learn to sing in tune.   But they all have two things in common: they love to sing, and they're terrified of performing.

So I got a few looks last night.  Of all different kinds.  and I loved every minute of it.

And it made me think about the looks they're receiving from me.   What do they see in my eyes when they look back over their shoulder?  I hope they see a number of things
      a look of peace: "I've got enough calmness for the both of us."
      a look of joy: "I know what you've accomplished today, and I'm exceedingly proud
      of you."
      a look of humility: "It's an honor to be sitting here with you, to be making music
      with you."


In one of my favorite books, Les Miserables, Victor Hugo talks about the power of a glance. And while he was referencing it in terms of falling in love, he makes the point that the power of a glance is often underestimated. He argues that love can be communicated through a single glance.

And I think he's quite right.

Adventures

Well, I probably haven't been practicing as much as I should be. Actually, make that definitely. But I have been able to venture out of Baltimore a few times - which is also definitely much needed!

Yesterday, I went with Nadja and her family to Shenandoah National Park in Virginia, which houses part of the famed Appalachian Trail. The weather wasn't fabulous - in fact, we hiked back in the rain. But I felt right at home!

It was great to be in the forest and see the Blue Ridge "Mountains" - which are not mountains by my standards, but certainly infinitely better than anything in Maryland.  And I always enjoy time with these friends. 

Vuk, Natalija, Nadja, and Kiki, the dog.

Natalija and Kiki.

It's always good for my soul to be out in the wilderness.

Beautiful views from a lookout in Shenandoah National Park.

I also went to DC last week. It turned out to be one of the hottest days yet, so we were drenched in sweat - but we had a great time! We enjoyed wandering through the memorials - I hadn't been to them since I was a little girl, so it was good to revisit them.

The others in the group opted to visit some museums in the afternoon, but I wanted to go visit my great-uncle's grave. He is buried in Arlington National Cemetery, in a section overlooking the Pentagon. Since it was the day after Memorial Day, I felt it fitting to visit his grave, since I had never been. It was quite a hike in the hot sun, as the cemetery is a ways away from the rest of the memorials. But I was really glad I went; it was very moving to be there. 

On my way back, I stopped by the Lincoln Memorial, which I think is still my favorite. It is wonderful to read his words, etched in stone, and to consider how applicable they are to today's world. 

There are endless things to do and see in DC - and most of them are free! I look forward to spending a rainy (or hot!) day wandering through places like the Smithsonian and the National Gallery.

Lunch across from the Jefferson Memorial with Rayna, Bethany, Elizabeth and June.

Uncle Jack's grave in Arlington National Cemetery

The Lincoln Memorial.

The Washington Monument and the U.S. Capitol.