Two days ago, I finished the last final of my masters degree.
It was a bit of a surreal moment - and I don't think the knowledge that I am completely done has fully registered in my body, mind and spirit. I have found myself repeating the words aloud to myself: I am finished with my masters.
There were days, weeks, months....at least a semester (if not an entire year), when I didn't believe it was possible. I was ready to throw in the towel. It wasn't worth it. I didn't have what it took.
Earlier this year, I realized that while I have experienced some difficult things in my life, this is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever chosen for myself in my nearly-twenty-eight years of life. It has challenged me, broken me, stretched me to my limits and beyond. And while I know I am a bit biased, I also know that there are others who would affirm my belief that the Vocal Accompanying Program is one of the most difficult, if not the most demanding program at Peabody. As one of the Vocal Graduate Assistants put it last week: "You have to learn how to be a singer and a pianist."
And I know this is just the beginning. If nothing else, graduate school has opened my eyes to how much I still have to learn. I am more aware now of all that I don't know. But I've been given the tools and the resources to pursue that knowledge. I have been equipped for the next steps of the journey. And I know now, at least in part, what I am capable of.
I have felt restless in the last few months - the friction of still needing to be present here, while also feeling more and more ready to go. I still have much to learn, and my teacher will always have more to teach me. But at some point, I need to step out from under her shadow. I need to see what I can do apart from her continual guidance. I need to start applying what I've learned.
I will certainly have moments of failure in the months and years to come. I will inevitably learn many more things the hard way. But I know that I have been given all the education and preparation I need.
And I am ready to fly.
I am ready to fly, in part, because of my training. But, more so, because of the great cloud of witnesses that have supported me and cheered me on, not only in the last 2 years - but all of years before that. My heart can't contain the gratitude I feel, as I think back the gracious outpouring of support I have received from family members, friends, teachers. They have provided a communal "gust of wind" that I have ridden for quite some time. That wind of support and hope and belief and encouragement and grace has taken many forms: text messages, emails, letters, packages, cups of coffee, bottles of wine, bars of chocolate, words of affirmation, hugs, phone calls, prayers, cookies, meals in my freezer, eyes of compassion, listening ears....the list is infinite.
And this is the part where words fall short.
This is the part when all I can do is cry.
This is the part when I am completely humbled, utterly speechless, overwhelmingly grateful.
I am done with my masters degree.
But I did not do it alone.
It took a village.
