collaborate

So I gave a recital on Saturday.

And to be honest, the processing has only just begun.  I am still trying to remember everything that happened....because it's all just a blur.



Sometimes it feels like the pieces I play are sort of like my children.  I spend all this time nurturing them and shaping them....and then the day comes when I release them.  Let them go. See how they stand on their own two feet.  Let them have life apart from me.

And they did.  They stood.  They lived.   They flew.

There is beauty and grief in the release.  You send a part of yourself with them.  And you keep part of them in yourself.  You don't get to see all they places they fly or the hearts they penetrate.  You may never know.



But here's what I do know:

It wasn't perfect.  There were missed notes.   Added notes.   Fascinating harmonies.   Made-up words.  Creative, and unplanned improvisations.

It was honest.  It was human.  It wasn't perfect, but we didn't apologize for it.  It was where we were in that moment.

It was expressive.  At the end, I was confident that I had communicated.  I...we....had said something.  And people were moved.

It was collaborative.  Sometimes I forget what a gift it is to work with people who recognize the partnership. I spent many years playing for people who didn't understand that - they were just too young to grasp the bigger picture.  But on Saturday, I had the honor of sharing the stage with incredible musicians, and together we had shared our hearts.

It was bigger than me.  I am thankful to be a vessel.  I am thankful that in the end, it's not about me, or how I feel about how I played.  I am glad to have the privilege of sharing somebody else's words and melodies.  I am thankful to be part of something greater - to be part of a collaboration that extends far beyond singer and pianist - far beyond poet and composer - far beyond performer and audience member.   There is something of the Divine in it as well - somehow, in the marriage of text and music and human spirit, there is God.

I don't pretend to understand it.  I think it's better that I don't.   But somehow, I know it's what I was made for.  I was created to collaborate.  It's part of being human.  This give and take that comes with living in community.  This unification of differing talents and unique personalities.  The weaving together of souls and voices and fingers and words and melodies.  ensemble.

So I am thankful for the journey, and that I did not walk it alone.  I am thankful that collaboration takes me somewhere that I could not possibly reach on my own.  I am thankful that collaboration means teamwork - the filling up and filling in of what the other lacks.  I am thankful that collaboration brings change, challenge, growth.  I am thankful that collaboration is togetherness, oneness, unity.


How lucky am I that it's built-in to my job description?  How lucky am I that the words "collaborative pianist" are attached to my name?  How lucky am I that I get to call myself an "accompanist" - one who walks alongside another?

yep.