change

I realize that many of you are probably wondering what this next season in life holds for me. If you have been following my blog for awhile, you may have guessed that I really wanted nothing more but to be back in the Pacific Northwest. And indeed I am.

I had planned to move to Portland, move in with my dear friend Meghan (and Kashi and Buttons, the cats). I was looking forward to living in community with her. And, while establishing a reputation in a new musical community always takes time, I felt ready to take the plunge in a new city.

But sometimes life throws us a curveball.

So without boring you with all the intimate details, I’ll just say that I have decided to take a position at Whitworth University in Spokane for the year. Everything happened rather quickly, and I am still a bit in shock that I am actually back here – that I actually have a job in music.

I will be teaching a couple sections of Theory I and working as a staff accompanist in the voice department. Then I will be reestablishing my previous connections in the Spokane musical community, hopefully working with local voice teachers, opera companies, school choirs, etc.

I am living in a wonderful apartment – basically the exact opposite of where I have lived for the last 2 years. I arrived a few days ago, spent a few hours unloading and unpacking. When I finished, I poured a glass of wine and sat on my floor and felt the tears come. I am the happiest I’ve been in months, maybe years. I know this place will be an oasis for me, providing space for my soul to decompress. When I stand at my kitchen sink and look out the window, all I can see are trees. And every morning, I put on my hiking shoes and hop on the trail that borders my backyard.

So I have gone from Baltimore sunrises…

…to Spokane sunsets…

  

I am viewing this as a year-long venture. I will continue to look into other possibilities for the future, maybe Portland, maybe Seattle – who knows?   I am also open to staying in Spokane, if the opportunity presents itself. Mostly, I am just along for the ride, open to whatever adventures come my way. And I am excited to be hiking, teaching, playing, making music – doing what I love, in a place that is dear to my heart.

The Leaving Part of Going

Unfortunately, setting off on a whole new adventure also means letting go of something and leaving it behind. This is the stage I'm in now - and will be for a little while longer. I finished at Whitworth this week - final performances, calculating final grades, turning in my keys, cleaning out my massive collection of music binders. I will finish teaching this week and next week. Last lessons have me thinking back to first lessons, 6 months ago, 2 years ago, 7 years ago. Saying goodbye to these little (and not-so-little!) ones will be hard - I have watched them grow up.

On the one hand, I was never more ready to be done. It's been a long year - exhausting, draining - I've been in survival mode for most, if not all of it. This day could not come soon enough. And on the other hand, I am starting to feel the loss. This has been my home for 7 years. 7 years. I was at Whitworth today, and as I walked out of the music building, I realized that I will not pass through those halls very many more times. It seems surreal. I shed my first tears this week, at the thought of leaving, and I have no doubt that there will be many more to follow them.

I will leave behind a wonderful work environment, incredible colleagues. a world that is familiar. I will leave behind a beautiful church family, a body that cares so well for one another, and is so outwardly-focused on serving God's creation. I will leave behind dear, dear friends - who have known me through ups and downs, who have walked with me through many a journey, who know me better than I know myself. The events of even just the last week have reminded me of how precious and irreplaceable these friends are. Indeed, I am extremely blessed. And grateful.

But the time has come for a new season. I am well-aware of that. My heart, mind and body are in agreement. I have been restless for awhile. It's time for change - a fresh challenge, a new adventure. And tonight, while I am still only beginning to grieve the leaving, I look ahead and find hope and solace in the fact that there is much to be gained in the going.